"I am not planning to come back home. I am trying to move on with my life."
Those are very crushing words. How do you respond after hearing (or reading, as this was part of several text messages) these things?
To be honest, it was another punch in the stomach. How have I been responding to these words? I have been depressed. I have cried a lot. And I have been having really bad panic attacks.
Okay. Yes. I have to confess, here, that ever since he left me on January 25, I have been experiencing everything that I just described. However, I guess it has re-started. Or maybe it has gotten worse.
Do not focus on fear.
I have this fear that he is about to just walk away and leave me with everything. When I focus on that fear, my panic kicks into gear.
In an attempt to find some help, I have reached out to three of my doctors. I have explained some of the situation with them. Like for instance, the fact that I do not work and cannot work because of my health conditions and I do not have my own health insurance. I also let each of them know about my panic attacks.
I want to let you know something, my efforts of reaching out to my doctors, as I did, took a lot for me to do. I guess I would call that my "brave" thing.
I am still here. I am still trying my best, each and every day to put one foot in front of the other. I am still trying to follow where the Lord is guiding me.
Instead, focus on trusting in God.
As I think about following the Lord's guidance, I am hit, in the face, with the fact that I need to place my trust in Him. In order to follow where He leads, no matter where that might be, means I have to trust Him; with everything.
Do I trust Him enough to direct each step that I take?
Do I trust Him enough to follow, no matter where He might be guiding me?
Do I trust Him with my security?
Do I trust Him to take care of me?
Do I trust Him to take care of everything?
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
That is something that I am working on, right now. Asking God to forgive me for not having that much trust I Him. Asking Him to help me overcome the fear that is holding me back. Asking Him to give me the strength that I need and to help me in my efforts to fully trust in Him.
Prayer:
Father in heaven, You are my Jehovah Jireh, Immanuel. Nothing is too hard for you (Jeremiah 32:17). I pray, O Lord, that You will forgive me for not having more trust in You. Please help me to overcome the fear that is holding me back. Father, I ask that You will increase my strength and that You will help me in my efforts to fully trust in You. As Your Word tells me, in Proverbs 3:5-6, when I place my trust in You and do not lean on my own understanding; when I submit everything I do to You and Your will, You will make my paths straight before me. I am claiming that promise. I pray that Your will be done. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Your turn:
Do you trust God enough to let Him direct each step you take? (Proverbs 16:9)
Do you trust Him enough to follow, no matter where He might be guiding? (Proverbs 16:3)
Do you trust Him with your security? (Psalm 121:7-8)
Do you trust Him to take care of you? (Psalm 91:9-12)
Do you trust Him to take care of everything? (Jeremiah 32:27)
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Leigha
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