Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Missed Loved Ones

Are the holidays a hard time of year for you? Do you spend time reflecting over lost loved ones and missing them so much?

This time of the year is hard for me. I spend a lot of time thinking about and missing my mom.

Below is a letter that I thought I would share. It is one that I wrote to my mom. Maybe it will bless you as it helps you to remember that you are not alone.

Dear Mom, 

It has been 7 years, mom. Can you believe that?

I remember dad had gotten mad at me because I helped Jessica through a hard situation in her life. Of course, I was going to help her, he had kicked her out. I wanted her to know that no matter what, she was still loved.

Since I had decided to offer her grace, he got mad at me and cut me out of the family as well. How that must have broken your heart at the time.

You spent so much of your life cut off from your side of the family. Oh, you were allowed the occasional phone call, but that was it. Then dad gets upset and cuts your daughters out as well.

Then, I found out that you had cancer. You know, I still have no idea what type of cancer you had. Although, I was allowed to go and see you.

I remember walking in to see you complaining to the nurse about your shoe being untied. When you saw me, you had to do a double take because you almost didn't recognize me. I have a habit of eating as a means of comforting myself. So, I had put on quite a bit of weight since you last saw me.

I sat there with you and just held and rubbed your hand. As if I were trying to memorize or absorb the feel of it.

The nurse brought you some food for dinner and you complained because it had corn and you weren't supposed to have corn. I remember thinking, "mom, you have cancer, if you want the corn, eat the corn."

Just before we left, I leaned over to give you a hug and a kiss. You know, I will never forget that. I knew that that would be the last time I would see you again, this side of heaven. And you smelled like onion rings because that was all you had eaten of your dinner.

It has been 6 years. Time has continued to move forward. The boys have all grown up. Phillip is married with a child. Taylor is doing his masters at Texas A&M. Jacob is our rock star. Tim has had cancer and kicked its butt. He overcame and is a survivor. I have secondary adrenal insufficiency, fibromyalgia along with a few other illnesses.

On a good note, I lost a lot of weight. You would have been so proud of me. However, due to the SAI, I take hydrocortisone and have gained back everything that I lost.

Mom, there has always been a question that has plagued me. Did you blame me for the way that your life turned out? I know that dad did not want me and he was not happy about having to get married. He was so controlling and kept you from your family. If I had not of come along, your life might have been so much different. Anyways, that is something I have thought about for a very long time.

I think about you every day. I see you everywhere, even 7 years later. I miss you so much. 

Psalm 27:14 NIV 

Wait for the Lord ; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord .


Dear Father,  

Thank You for always being with me. Father, I know that even when I struggle through grief, You are always there with me. Please help me in my efforts of waiting for You. Help me to be strong and take heart while I wait for You. In Jesus' name,  Amen.

Encouraging A Sick Loved One

How To Fight The Christmas Blues

Sometimes The Answer Is Wait

Are the holidays a hard time of year for you?
Do you spend time reflecting over lost loved ones and missing them so much?
How can I pray for you today?
If you will allow it, I will be happy to help carry your load.

Photo credit: darkworkx on pixabay.com 

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