I am reading Let's All Be Brave. Have you read it? It is by Annie F. Downs, in case you are interested.
She challenges us to ask the Lord how our life looks when we live our lives courageously for Him today. Well, I am not a brave person. During scary situations, I prefer to know that I have safety and security. When I feel overwhelmed by challenges that I am faced with (that are not of my own making), I want to stay in bed, with the covers pulled up over my head until the challenge has passed.
I am not a brave person.
Below is part of a letter that I typed up for T. So, today, my courageous act has been to follow the Lord in typing up the letter and in giving it to T. And, another courageous act is sharing it (even in part) here with you.
From my letter:
"You keep asking me if I have any questions. Or you tell me to talk to you.
Well, in my mind, thoughts are bouncing all over the place. It takes an effort to be able to reign them in.
I will say that your decision to leave caught me off guard. My heart has been ripped into pieces, again. And I didn't think that was possible.
My thoughts and questions are not exactly along the logical side of things. I am not the type to look at things and logically think through them. My emotions get in the way.
I guess if I were going to ask questions, they would be:
Why?
What happened?
What did I do wrong?
Is there someone else?
Why can I not wake up from this nightmare?
Have you made a definite decision and you just haven't told me?
Do you see any hope for our marriage?
What the heck do I do now?"
The Lord has a plan.
I am completely overwhelmed by things, right now. I do not know where the Lord is taking me. I do not know where the Lord is taking T. I do not know where the Lord is taking our marriage.
What I do know is that I can still turn to the Lord. I can still trust that even though things seem out of control, He has a plan for all of this.
I will not grow weary in doing good for at the proper time, I will reap a harvest, if I do not give up (Galatians 6:9). Can I get an Amen?
I will keep trudging through. I will keep my trust in the Lord. Things may be overwhelming and I know full well that things may not turn out as I hope, but I will still trust in the Lord. With His help, I will be able to reap a harvest as long as I do not grow weary and give up.
Update:
I was brave. I prayed over the letter that I felt the Lord lead me to type up and to give to T. I also prayed that His will be done. Then I gave him the letter.
He picked out the "Why?" from my list of questions and proceeded to blame me for things. He also said that we need to go forward as though things are officially over. However, all he plans to do is file for separation.
My heart is crushed, right now. I know the Lord is there. He is carrying me through all of this. He has a plan, I just have to trust Him and His timing.
As I have been doing some reading, I came across this verse:
Malachi 2:16 NIV
“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord , the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.
And here it is from the NLT translation:
Malachi 2:16 NLT
“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord , the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, ” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
When I read this verse, it brought me comfort. Here again God is telling me that while He hates divorce and does not want to see any harm come to me, He is the One that is in control. He is reminding me that He's got this.
Prayer:
Father in heaven, my Jehovah Jireh, You are mighty, powerful, and majestic. You created the heavens and the earth. Nothing is too hard for You. Father, I will not grow weary in doing good for I know that at the proper time, I will reap a harvest, if I do not give up (Galatians 6:9). I know that You hate divorce and do not wish to see me suffer (Malachi 2:16) and I know that You have a plan in everything that I am going through. You are in control. I trust in You, Father, to be my strength and to carry me through this. I pray that Your will be done. In Jesus' name, Amen.
The Lord has been carrying me, a lot, lately. So, I decided to look up verses about Him carrying us. It is my hope that they bring you comfort as you lean in to His strength.
Check out these posts:
Blessings,
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