Tuesday, February 26, 2019

My Testimony

I received Jesus into my heart when I was 24.

I remember growing up and going to church on a very sporadic time table. I knew the Lord. I had a close relationship with him from a very young age.

My home life was not a very good one. I witnessed my dad get mad at my mom and push her down the basement steps. I witnessed my mom with cuts on her wrists.

I am sharing my testimony that it might help you.

By the age of 19, I had met Tim and we had been dating for over a year. He swooped in one night and rescued me from my life at home.

We were married when I turned 20 and had our first son when I was 21.

There were a lot of ups and downs during those years. So much time spent wondering where the money was coming from so we could actually eat.

The best decision I have ever made is accepting Jesus.

I accepted Jesus into my heart. It is the best decision that I have ever made. I remember being up front as the elders of the church were praying over me. They placed their hands on me and I went straight down to the floor. I knew that I had just received the Holy Spirit.

T and I were struggling with getting pregnant with our second child, during this time. I went to one doctor who mentioned fertility drugs to me, but I told her, "no, that is too much like playing God and I will not do that." Still, it was a hard 4 1/2 years of trying. Every month I would be so depressed and feel like I just did not deserve another baby. I felt like a failure at everything I did. Like, somehow, I was letting everyone down; especially God.

By the time I was 27, I had our second son. Sixteen months later, I had our third son :).

Even when the bottom fell out, I was not alone. 

Then the bottom fell out from underneath me. T chose our 12th wedding anniversary to announce something to me. As we were sitting, watching tv, he casually mentions to me that one of his work buddies is getting his own place and he thinks that he is going to move in with him.

That was a hard year for me. A year of finding out that our marriage was not doing well at all. A year of fighting. A year of recovering from an affair. A year of forgiveness. A year of leaning on the Lord.

During that year, I learned who, out of my friends, were truly my friends. I know that, in there own way, they were only trying to help, but,

I had one friend tell me that I should kick T out. And another tell me that since I was following the Lord's guidance to "fight" for my marriage, I was taking the easy way out.

He has always been close by.

Yes, that year was a deep, dark pit of depression for me. I had to fight (with myself) to keep from pushing the Lord away, as I tend to do. Luckily, He was right there with me, through it all. He let me wallow for awhile, but always stayed close by.

Finally, I made the decision to rededicate myself to the Lord. T and I renewed our vows to one another and are still going strong.

I have learned that I cannot live without the Lord by my side. With all of my illnesses, we do not attend a church. But He is with me every day.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32 NIV 

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