Monday, December 31, 2018

Farewell 2018

It is that time of year again. Time to reflect back over all of the things that the year has held.

The ups.

The downs.

The good.

The bad.


I started off 2018 with Peace and within a couple of months, had added Trust. So my verse for the year has been Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

As I have gone throughout the year, I have focused more on trusting the Lord. The more that I have trusted Him, the more peace I have felt.

In February, I felt His leading me to start blogging again. That was a huge step for me. I have blogged off and on, in the past. Nobody cared. This time I am trusting the Lord to not only guide my words, but also to use them how He deems is necessary.

I also created a group, over the summer. I felt lead to create this group for women who feel like they struggle all alone. I took the step. However, the group did not last.

I know the group was not meant to be. The Lord has given me peace about it and has allowed me to move on.

Because of that group, I have met some wonderful women and feel truly blessed to call them friends.

I am still struggling every day. I deal with a lot of depression and anxiety. My SAI is still there. Fibromyalgia pain is still there. But I keep trudging through.

I have just recently had an MRI of my pituitary gland/tumor. As my endo was showing me the latest results, it appears that the stalk has gotten a bit bigger. Surgery is very likely in my future.

I talked to her about referring me to a rheumatologist about my fibromyalgia. She told me that Vanderbilt rheumatologists do not treat fibromyalgia, but she would still "try" to refer me to someone. She said that PCP doctors are usually the ones that treat it, but mine told me straight up that he doesn't. So, in other words, sorry, Leigha, but you are on your own with this.

I mentioned surgery on my pituitary tumor, I have to weigh all of the pros and cons. Right now, there are not a lot of pros. Well, I would be rid of the tumor. No promises on rather or not it would help my headaches. Oh and a con, I would then have diabetes insepidis (?).

I will continue to trust in the Lord where all of this is concerned.


My word for 2019 is Renew.

My verse is:

Isaiah 40:31 NIV 

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

I told Tim about my verse. When I got to the walk and not faint part, he mentioned that I am clinging on to God in a literal sense with this one.

What he is referring to is the fact that I get dizzy when I stand up. No, it is not every time that I stand up, but it does make things challenging for me. When we are out, I have to find the closest seat to the door and sit down until my balance returns.

So yes, I am trusting that the Lord will renew my strength this coming year. Trusting that He will help me not to grow weary and to be able to walk without fainting. I have no idea what He holds in store for me this coming year, but my hope is in Him. He will help me rest when needed, renew my strength and see me through whatever is to come.


Dear Father,  thank You for being with me through this past year.  All of the ups, the downs, the good days and the bad, I can see how You were there with me each step of the way. Father, I lift up the year of 2019 and place it into Your hands. I have no idea what is coming this year, but You do. You are in control. Please help me to remember that You have everything taken care of so that I need not worry or be afraid. Help me rest as I place my hope; my trust in You and to know that You will renew my strength so I will be able to walk and not faint. Thank You for all that You do. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Missed Loved Ones

Let's Talk Bags

Don't Struggle Alone

It is that time of year again.
Time to reflect back over all of the things that the year has held.
How can I pray for you today?
If you will allow it, I will be happy to help carry your load.

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Missed Loved Ones

Are the holidays a hard time of year for you? Do you spend time reflecting over lost loved ones and missing them so much?

This time of the year is hard for me. I spend a lot of time thinking about and missing my mom.

Below is a letter that I thought I would share. It is one that I wrote to my mom. Maybe it will bless you as it helps you to remember that you are not alone.

Dear Mom, 

It has been 7 years, mom. Can you believe that?

I remember dad had gotten mad at me because I helped Jessica through a hard situation in her life. Of course, I was going to help her, he had kicked her out. I wanted her to know that no matter what, she was still loved.

Since I had decided to offer her grace, he got mad at me and cut me out of the family as well. How that must have broken your heart at the time.

You spent so much of your life cut off from your side of the family. Oh, you were allowed the occasional phone call, but that was it. Then dad gets upset and cuts your daughters out as well.

Then, I found out that you had cancer. You know, I still have no idea what type of cancer you had. Although, I was allowed to go and see you.

I remember walking in to see you complaining to the nurse about your shoe being untied. When you saw me, you had to do a double take because you almost didn't recognize me. I have a habit of eating as a means of comforting myself. So, I had put on quite a bit of weight since you last saw me.

I sat there with you and just held and rubbed your hand. As if I were trying to memorize or absorb the feel of it.

The nurse brought you some food for dinner and you complained because it had corn and you weren't supposed to have corn. I remember thinking, "mom, you have cancer, if you want the corn, eat the corn."

Just before we left, I leaned over to give you a hug and a kiss. You know, I will never forget that. I knew that that would be the last time I would see you again, this side of heaven. And you smelled like onion rings because that was all you had eaten of your dinner.

It has been 6 years. Time has continued to move forward. The boys have all grown up. Phillip is married with a child. Taylor is doing his masters at Texas A&M. Jacob is our rock star. Tim has had cancer and kicked its butt. He overcame and is a survivor. I have secondary adrenal insufficiency, fibromyalgia along with a few other illnesses.

On a good note, I lost a lot of weight. You would have been so proud of me. However, due to the SAI, I take hydrocortisone and have gained back everything that I lost.

Mom, there has always been a question that has plagued me. Did you blame me for the way that your life turned out? I know that dad did not want me and he was not happy about having to get married. He was so controlling and kept you from your family. If I had not of come along, your life might have been so much different. Anyways, that is something I have thought about for a very long time.

I think about you every day. I see you everywhere, even 7 years later. I miss you so much. 

Psalm 27:14 NIV 

Wait for the Lord ; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord .


Dear Father,  

Thank You for always being with me. Father, I know that even when I struggle through grief, You are always there with me. Please help me in my efforts of waiting for You. Help me to be strong and take heart while I wait for You. In Jesus' name,  Amen.

Encouraging A Sick Loved One

How To Fight The Christmas Blues

Sometimes The Answer Is Wait

Are the holidays a hard time of year for you?
Do you spend time reflecting over lost loved ones and missing them so much?
How can I pray for you today?
If you will allow it, I will be happy to help carry your load.

Photo credit: darkworkx on 

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Encouraging A Sick Loved One

Are the holidays hard this year because someone you love is in the hospital? Or maybe you are the one that is sick and missing loved ones?

It was October 2014. Tim was sick. He had just been moved to Vanderbilt and diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma.

Better To Miss One Holiday

Before he had gotten sick, he had gotten tickets for him and Jacob to go to a rock concert on Jacob's birthday. When the day rolled around, Tim was in the hospital and not able to go with Jacob. It broke his heart. Luckily, Taylor was home, so he went with Jacob to the concert.

Thanksgiving found Tim in the hospital for a round of chemo. Another event that Tim was going to have to miss. He talked to his doctor about either doing the treatment early or a little bit late, but the doctor told him that it was better to miss the one holiday in order to have more in the future.

Since we knew ahead of time that he was going to be in the hospital during Thanksgiving, do you know what we did? We had our Thanksgiving the weekend before.

Yes, it was still hard to go through the holiday that year without him here, but looking back on it, I am so glad we celebrated it early. We could have just skipped it, but we didn't. After all, we had a lot to be thankful for that year.

To Celebrate More In The Future 

Yes, Tim had cancer, but it was a type of cancer that could be aggressively treated and it could be cured.  I was alone, but I had people show up when I needed them. Jacob missed out on a bonding experience with his dad, but gained a bonding experience with his brother instead. Phillip and Shannon had announced that they were pregnant.

Are the holidays hard this year because someone you love is in the hospital? Or maybe you are the one that is sick and missing loved ones?

Ways To Help 

1. Call and/or text the missed family member. 

When T had to be in the hospital over Thanksgiving, we spent a lot of time on the phone. It made me feel a little bit better to hear his voice, or to receive his text messages, and it helped him not to miss me as much as well.

2. If you know, in advance, have the holiday early. 

As I mentioned above, we knew in advance, that he was going to miss Thanksgiving. So we had our big meal the weekend before. I didn't think anything of it, at the time, but looking back, I am so glad we did it that way.

3. Send goodies with the family member. 

Again, if you know in advance, and you can get ahead of the blues, put together a care package from home. It can just be little things to help the sick loved while they are in the hospital and missing you. ~ Like now, I would pack him a few of his favorite things, a book, maybe some candy and then one of my favorite blankets that he could curl up with.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV  

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.


Father, thank You. Thank You for being You. Thank You for being in control of my life. Father, I know that You have plans for me, plans for my wellbeing and not harm, plans that will give me hope and a future. I know that when I call out to You, Father, You will hear me; You will listen to my prayer.  I know that when I seek You with all of my heart, I will find You. Thank You so much.  In Jesus' name,  Amen.

Express Your Gratitude

God's Grace

How To Fight Christmas Blues

Are the holidays hard this year because someone you love is in the hospital?
Or maybe you are the one that is sick and missing loved ones?
How can I pray for you today?
If you will allow it, I will be happy to help carry your load.

Photo credit: silviarita on 

Pray and Give Thanks

You wake up.  You open your eyes.  You take a deep breath.  You move your body so that you are sitting on the side of the bed.  You see the ...