Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Because of Faith

Do you believe that God sees you? Do you believe that He knows your struggles? Do you believe that He knows and cares about you?










"Never mind, it's stupid. I'm stupid. "




I did not say the words, but I thought them. With Tim's weird health issues lately, a lot of things have been coming to the forefront of my mind.



I have spent a lot of time depressed and crying as I remember September of 2014. Tim had been having a lot of odd health issues at the time. We just blew them off, but they were not getting any better. Then on September 29th, I convinced him to go to the doctor. He was admitted to the hospital. A month later, he was diagnosed with burkitt's lymphoma, finally able to keep food down and sent home.



I keep replaying that time over and over in my mind. I can't seem to break out of the loop.










T just recently went through several tests. He thinks everything looked good, but then he is not a doctor.



When he got home, I was so depressed and really needed a hug from him. I did not ask him for a hug. Nope. Instead, those two sentences at the top went through my mind. "Never mind, it's stupid. I'm stupid."



When I tried to talk to him about how I am feeling, his response was,  "I'm here and I'm okay." Which leaves me pressing things down.



Here lately there have been so many things that have happened that lead me to believe the Lord is wanting me to share some with you about my life growing up. I keep trying to put it off, but things keep happening that bring everything to the front.



First off ....




I Was Not Wanted 




My mom married a very controlling, self centered man. I have learned over the years that he is a narcissist, but giving a name to it, does not help.



My mom got pregnant with me when she and my dad were dating. When she told him she was pregnant,  he told her to get an abortion. However, when she refused, they got married. A few weeks into their marriage, he got mad at her and threw her down hoping she would have a miscarriage.



I was not wanted.



He kept my mom isolated from her side of the family. We would travel to see his side of the family, but he would not let her see her side.











What is so precious about his side of the family? I have spent a lot of time wondering over that question. Whenever we were around them, my dad tried to become someone else. It was a try, but it always ended when we made it back home.




I remember me and my brother having chores. We were expected to do these certain chores each week. My dad would come in behind us, you know like "white glove" style to test and see if we had cleaned. Not pleasant memories.



I grew up hearing that I did not matter, that I was not important, that I was stupid. If you hear those things often enough, starting at such a young age, you grow to believe it.



I did not like to have to ask him for anything. He had this way of saying things that made me feel, stupid, crazy, whatever. So, I started pressing things down. I would not ask for anything, instead I would think, " never mind,  it's stupid. I'm stupid."




Luckily, this is all in the past. The Lord has brought me through all of it and He has given me a peace about everything. My mom, well, she lived it every day until she went home with Jesus.



I Am Who I Am 




I am who I am today because of what the Lord has brought me through. I can look back on that time, with tears in my eyes as I mourn for those involved. However, I am stronger because of my faith in Jesus.



I forgave my dad a long time ago. He is in the Lord's hands.











Psalm 112:7 NIV



They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord .



Prayer



Dear Father,  thank You for always being with me. No matter what I go through, no matter what I have gone through, You are always there. The knowledge of that brings me so much comfort and peace. Father, no matter what might lie ahead of us, we will be able to face it head on without fear of bad news and with steadfast hearts because our trust is in you. Thank You for all that you do.  In Jesus' name, Amen.














God Cares About You


You Are Beautiful


Battling Insecurity














Do you believe that God sees you?
Do you believe that He knows your struggles?
Do you believe that He knows and cares about you?
How can I pray for you today?
If you will allow it, I will be happy to help carry your load.





























Photo credit: geralt on pixabay.com

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

God Cares About You

Do you believe that God hears you when you pray? Do you believe that He cares about you? Do you believe that He answers your prayers?







I have mentioned to you that Tim and I have had our troubles. He told me that he did not love me anymore and that he wanted out of our marriage.  He was ready to wipe his hands and be done.



I remember laying there in bed, the night that he told me he wanted out. I cried and waited for him to fall asleep. Then I got up and went out to the living room so I could cry and pray.



God Said "Fight"




I asked the Lord if I needed to find a lawyer or if I needed to fight for my marriage. It was completely quiet as everyone was asleep, however, I heard an audible voice telling me to "fight". I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was supposed to fight for my marriage, so I did.



It was not easy. I was so alone. I did not have anyone to talk to about anything. My friends only encouraged me to leave him and when I decided to fight, well, they were not very supportive.




Follow His Lead




You do something that is considered to be against the norm and you learn real quick who your true friends are.



I knew that the Lord had told me to fight. I clung to that with everything that I had within me. When I felt sad, I would climb into bed and pour my heart out to Him. My friends were not there, but God always was.









Sometimes our friends see only as the world sees. They thought it was normal for me to pack up and leave him, or kick him out. However, after a lot of prayer, I knew that I needed to follow His lead.



Do you believe that God hears you when you pray? Do you believe that He cares about you? Do you believe that He answers your prayers?




James 1:5-7 NIV



If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.




Prayer



Dear Father, I love that I can come to You with anything. It does not matter how big or how small it may be. You are always there. Father, I ask that You will give me wisdom so I know how to handle conflict whenever it arises. I am asking and I do believe because I know that those who do not believe are like a wave being tossed by the wind and they should not expect anything from You. Thank You for all that You do. In Jesus' name, Amen.









Matthew 21:22 NIV 



If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”



Prayer



Dear Father, thank You for being with me. Father, I know that if I believe, I will receive whatever I ask of You in prayer. I praise Your Holy name. It is in Jesus' name that I pray, Amen.









You Are Beautiful



Battling Insecurity 



Is Your Marriage Normal Or Weird?












Do you believe that God hears you when you pray?
Do you believe that He cares about you?
Do you believe that He answers your prayers?
How can I pray for you today?
If you will allow it, I will be happy to help carry your load.

























Photo credit: Olivia Snow on unsplash.com 

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

You Are Beautiful

You are beautiful. Do you know that? Do you believe it?










I don't know about you, but I have a hard time hearing that I am beautiful. It is just something that I struggle with.



Think about this childhood rhyme for a minute:



Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But words will never hurt me



Have you ever just thought about those words. They are not true, at all. Words can and do hurt us very much.



Invisible Shields Up




I dunno, as a child, one that repeated that rhyme to mean kids, I guess I just believed that I had an invisible shield. If you throw a rock or stick at me, it might break a bone, but my invisible shield, will just deflect all negative words and throw them back at you.



I grew up feeling worthless and unwanted. I often heard that I was not "good for anything", that I would "never amount to anything".



Do you remember that Christina Aguilera song, Beautiful?



You are Beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring you down









I think part of the reason that I have a hard time believing that I am beautiful or that I have a purpose is because of my illnesses.  Since I have gotten sick, that is all that I see in myself any more.




Words spoken by the wrong person can bring you down and they can hurt you. However, I am here to let you know that you are Beautiful. You are Wonderful. You have a purpose.




Do You Believe?



Do you believe that you can still have purpose while being sick? Do you believe God can still use you no matter what? Do you believe that He loves you?




Psalm 139:13-16 NIV




For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.




Prayer




Dear Father, thank You for creating me. Thank You for knitting me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, Father, because I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. All of Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. There is nothing about me that is hidden or secret from You, Father. Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days that are ordained for me are written in Your book. Thank You for loving me so much. In Jesus' name. Amen











Ephesians 2:10 NIV





For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.





Prayer




Dear Father, thank You for creating me. Father, please help me to remember, to believe that I am Your handiwork which You created in Christ to do good works that have been prepared for me in advance. I praise Your name.  In Jesus' name.  Amen










Battling Insecurity


Your Story Matters


Seek To Put Others First











Do you believe that you can still have purpose while being sick?
Do you believe God can still use you no matter what?
Do you believe that God loves you?
You are beautiful.
Do you know that?
Do you believe that?
How can I pray for you today?
If you will allow it, I will be happy to help carry your load.































Photo credit: jill111 on pixabay.com 

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